"Not all things in this world as he says are black and white ...neither grey , sometimes they don't have colour" as he first enquired about his background.

Written by Anonymous

Queerspeak 1.0

Every story is worth telling , some stories are beautiful when they are understood but unsaid". 

This quote has struck me since long , when I used to journal my thoughts during my school days. 

After searching through all the possible options that I foresaw as a good story , opportunities withered away. 

I was thus reminded by my friend @pratts_888 that sometimes "Good stories are seen not told" 

I excitedly asked him for his interview. To my great delight , he said yes , thus I found a love story. 

@pratts_888 grew up in a humble small town . Coming from a bahujan family , Pratham grew up as queer teen in a different way . "Not all things in this world as he says are black and white ...neither grey , sometimes they don't have colour" as he first enquired about his background. 

A queer soul's journey is rather special. As if the Universe gave us a different test much harder to give. Pratham was no stranger to such challenges. He developed a keen sense of his world , through fashion and consciousness , much unknown to the world. 

During the interview , it was evident , I am telling a story of a person who has different personalities in a single self. One may call it uniqueness and as he says " Trauma is what I derive from". 

Pratham lives in a world where he is not out , but the world knows who he is . It's quite strange to my eyes, 

Thus , Pratham tells me his love story , where he is in love , but he is not allowed to. 

"Abhay (name changed) met me through a mutual friend , we were initially just friends. For the most part , we were just common friends" Pratham said . 

I asked " was there no spark or a flinch of an idea that you might have feelings for him?" 

He said " The primary thought of mine was , do not fall for this guy, please don't like him. In that moment the surrender of my heart just happened involuntarily" 

"Maybe it's universal task anointed to me" 

"A universal task?" I asked. 

"Yes, sometimes certain souls collide in your life , where you have to show them their way. As a guide , for me I have to feel things about him , but only as a friend. " How did you guys close up?" I asked. 

" We went to meet each other , cuddled together for long hours , there was an unseen strong rapport between us , the late night calls and these all things made me grow up intimate with him."

"Sounds like a cute bl story from friends to love , doesn't it ?" I said. 

"Sreenu , I don't want to label this as Love or anything . 

Some things in life are just meant to me unnamed. When you give them the tag , its meaning, beauty and essence withers away". 

" He is straight , I just don't want to get ahead in this so I drew the boundaries early on , sometimes it's better to have these things from afar. 

Where you are in the solace of the thoughts and feelings that you have harboured in you. You are the sole owner of those thoughts" 

"Isn't it delusional?"so I inquired. 

"Love in this world is itself delusional, for me I was always the "other women" in their lives , where I readied those men up only to be loved by other people ". 

For a minute I was apprehensive to enquire about it more . But I made an effort asked him about his previous romantic encounters. 

"I learned so much from those moments , the value of friendship, denial , restrictions and all aspects of loving someone else" 

"It's all unrequited," he said . 

" Does it hurt?" I asked 

" It always will , but I made peace with it , we all have to , that's the way forward . I have seen people taking drastic steps in love . I moved on like a nomad who has no place called home " 

"Have you ever thought , had things been different you have been happy , abhay being at least queer ? " 

"Yes, things would have been better , but loving me is a revolt . Loving me is an act of bravery , I just don't want to be labelled as a person who breaks the families for my love interest" . " I have thought about it a thousand times with thousand scenarios to make me accept the reality" 

I was frankly quite amazed about the depth of conversation we had. 

So I decided to meet these people upfront. 

It was quite evident in their eyes they do like each other . 

In one instant , I saw the spark , the energy , in couples who are together for the longest time.

I have seen so many couples , but never liked them , they are just friends as they say , Abhay and Pratham. 

"For me love came to me in different forms , I just want to be a role model to people who are struggling, people who are surviving their lives , it does get better eventually." 

"For I have learned to love myself , I don't regret having anything". 

"Indeed" ,I said. 

Sometimes love needs to not be expressed in a sense of touch , gifts or intimacy . Love is beyond those physical expressions. It's also expressed in energies, forces that are not foreseen. 

Unfulfilled love stories are love stories too. 

Every queer story is valuable, for it must be told to for generations to come.