Back in 2002 or 2003, "Kaaliyon Ka Chaman" was released. My father was so sweet to bring me a CD of it, and I remember dancing my heart out.

A lot of people often told me, “Ye andho ka desh hai, chaand, yaha na nikla kar,” and my answer to them is, “Chaand toh zarur niklega, chahe char aur log andhe karega par niklega zarur.”

I am from a small town called Aligarh, and I come from an academically rich family. Like my parents, I wanted to be an interior designer too. Building houses for families seemed like a beautiful idea. But very soon, I realized that I could not fathom sustaining the horrors of Math!

My parents wished for me to study biology, but life had other plans. I realized in my bones that I wanted to be a model. I was always the graceful, artistic kid, dancing throughout my childhood. Back in 2002 or 2003, "Kaaliyon Ka Chaman" was released. My father was so sweet to bring me a CD of it, and I remember dancing my heart out. I knew my path, and I got into Amity University to study Mass Communication. I didn't wish to go too far from home just yet, as I was always the “ghar ka bachha.” But I feel proud to share that I shall be flying to the UK to study Fashion Business Management at the University for Creative Arts.

In my academic sphere, I had my fair share of challenges. Back in 2016, there was little to no queer representation, especially in small towns like Aligarh. Regardless of how I presented myself, people chose to perceive me in a certain light. Even though I danced to Govinda’s songs as well as Aishwarya’s songs, people often made it a point to highlight my femininity and ignore the other aspects of me. Even when I had tremendous grace performing on stage, I concealed some of it to fit into the preconceived notion that men aren't as graceful. Taking self-portraits and posting them on Instagram was a routine for me. On one occasion, a boy commented that I am beautiful under one of my posts, to which I replied with enthusiasm and cute emojis. Only my friends brought it to my notice the next day that the comment, in fact, was mockery. At that point, I realized that if you are not confident, you cannot have a space in this world, and people shall have no mercy on you. Never did I ever let anyone have the slightest try at bullying me or pass a derogatory comment. People did talk behind my back, but “peeche toh duniya ki baat hoti hai, aakhir baat ussi ki hoti hai jisme kuch baat hoti hai.”

I started my modeling career alongside college, and one thing I always believed in was gaining the merriment of yourself. To be content, not just at this juncture but also from childhood. I didn’t rush to any conclusions, let it be my sexuality. I continue to explore it even today and even in my work life. Whenever I was approached with experimental or out-of-the-box work in my early modeling days, if I didn’t feel comfortable, I didn't proceed with it, regardless of the money or fame it brought me.

Eventually, I started working freelance for brands, but I always wanted an agency as I didn't like running behind payments. One brand signed me for a project claiming that they loved my appeal, but they denied the offer when they realized I'm 5’7 in height. I worked as a grooming coach for another agency but resigned as they never signed me as a model. Inclusivity is still a struggle in this industry that only appears to be glamorous. Only people with similar experiences are opening doors for inclusivity. Today, I’ve done many brand shoots and also walked the ramp. I get a lot of experimental work opportunities, which after a time, came to a point where I stopped getting commercial opportunities, which are the ones that actually pay bills.

In the journey of redefining the word "beautiful," to make it not gender-specific but person-specific, my career got redefined. Jis rang ke chashme pehen lo, duniya usi rang ki nazar aati hai. I see the world as roses and hearts, and I love it.