From a young age, I loved makeup and often tried it on my twin sister. I have always felt that the makeup industry is a field where no one judges me, unlike other areas. The professionals in the makeup industry respect my work and my art, and they don't care about my gender or sexuality. To them, I am a makeup artist!
My profession has helped me a lot in dealing with my anxiety. Growing up, I used to feel anxious going out in public because I was scared that people would judge and laugh at me. I lived with this fear because such incidents had happened so many times. I was always worried. I was a fem boy, and since it was apparent, people used to laugh at me. Gradually, when I started wearing makeup and posting my pictures and videos online, it made me feel confident. It opened up avenues for me to express myself openly and helped me with my depression. Makeup has been my biggest source of power. Not only did it help me express who I am, but it also helped me explore my identity. I identify as a genderfluid person.
At home, my life wasn’t that hard. As a kid, no one ever made me feel that I was different. Though my parents had some expectations, as any parents would in a conventional family setup, they never forced me to be that ‘son’ or do things that a man does. But my school life wasn’t smooth. I was bullied a lot, and this continued in college. That’s why I avoided going out. During my school life, I didn’t care so much when people bullied me, but in later years, this left a lasting impression on my mind. It affected me quite badly. Thinking about it still makes me anxious. The fear of being laughed at never disappeared. Today, while I work as a makeup artist, I feel things have improved. As a freelance makeup artist, I work with different people such as models, actors, and influencers. Fortunately, I haven’t faced any bullying in my workplace. People don’t laugh at me here. They are very nice to me and don’t judge me.
Where I feel scared is when I travel on local trains in Mumbai. Once, when I was traveling on a local train, and I felt someone trying to touch me from behind and then realized I could feel a p3n!s. When I turned to look, there was this guy. I was shocked to the core. Since then, traveling by train has made me very anxious.
Today, I am not just a makeup artist; I am an influencer and an advocate for our community as well. I also share my work on Instagram, where I receive a lot of hate comments. But these things don’t affect me. These faceless people can never affect me.
I want to tell people out there who are struggling with their gender or sexual identity that you should take your whole life to figure out who you are. At least, that helped me. If you are not able to understand who you are, take your time. Relax! Don’t rush for labels. The only thing that matters is that you are happy. I am genderfluid, and to realize that, it took me so long. Don’t rush; things will fall into place. Just explore yourself.
People can be mean to us, but we, as a community, have to show our support to each other. Let’s be less judgmental because each of us has different journeys, and it takes a long time to figure out things. Let’s be respectful to each other and keep spreading our wings. No, we are not going to hide ourselves or each other, because this is who we are and this is how we will be.
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