
I knew something was different about me from a very young age. Due to the lack of representation, all I knew was that I was into guys, and it felt unusual. The process of accepting this lasted for a very long time. I gradually understood and accepted myself after several instances that occurred during my childhood and teenage years.
To begin with, we were 10–12 people living in a 2-bedroom house in Mumbai since my uncle’s family moved in with us after his demise. I had a lot of cousins, and I used to observe them. That was when the thought of me being different from others often popped up in my mind. Whenever I avoid discussions about girls or more typical "guy talks," my schoolmates began to tease me, saying things like, “Tujhe kuch aur chahiye kya.”
Later on, when I was briefly involved with a guy, a strong realization washed over me that I was different, and the thought of liking or dating girls didn’t excite me like it did others. Although I understood what I was feeling throughout, we live in a country with numerous orthodox views and rules when it comes to "love," let alone queer love. Yes, we are improving, but we still have a long way to go. Hence, I restricted myself and tried to avoid accepting my sexuality.

Life moved on, and I began preparing for my MBBS entrance exams. During my second attempt at NEET, I befriended a guy. Over time, I developed feelings for him and eventually confessed how I felt. He was into guys too but had feelings for someone else. That experience stayed with me, and it became a pivotal moment in my journey. It was then that I fully embraced my truth—I was attracted to men, both physically and emotionally, and this is who I am. It felt like a turning point, a moment when I finally decided to accept myself and stand up for who I am. After that, everything shifted, and my life began to change for the better.
Even though I have accepted myself and have grown into a stronger, more confident person, I’m still closeted and have yet to come out to my parents.
My mom once found out about my journal in 12th grade, where I confessed my affinity for guys. I’m pretty sure she’s aware of my sexuality, but there’s still pressure from my family to get me married.
For the near future, I’m going to focus on coming out to my family, and in the long term, I just want to excel in my career like every other individual and find someone who’ll stay with me for the rest of my life.
Lastly, if there’s one message I’d like to give my younger self, it would be to live and enjoy life to the fullest without worrying about society.

Here’s an excerpt from one of my poems that deeply reflects on societal pressures:
“Khilona maangne par laake de di,
usko remote waali gaadi thi,
Ek baar, bas ek baar puch liya hota,
Beta, kahin wo gudiya isse zyada toh nahi pyaari thi?”
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