They brutally assaulted me on the road.

TW : Child Sexual Assault , Abuse

As the youngest of a middle-class family in Bihar, I’ve been a pampered child. I would ask to wear makeup with my mother and she would let me, saying, “tu mera beta nahi beti hai.” But my fascination with makeup didn’t stop in childhood, yet I couldn’t wear it because of the gossiping environment I lived in.

When I was about 13-14 years old, I was sexually abused by a relative, while I was sleeping next to him. I was too scared to scream for help in the middle of the night, and he, later, covered my mouth too. This went on for 45 minutes.

Next day woh mujhe ghumane lekar gaya, and he manipulated me into not talking about it with anyone. I didn’t tell anyone about it. Then came a time where I had to visit his house and stay over, and this time he abused me while I was awake. I couldn’t tell anyone this time either. I’ve moved to Delhi for the last two years, still experiencing the pain of this assault.

I got a good job at Air India, and I started exploring my gender and sexuality.

I’ve switched jobs now, to a more gay-friendly place, and my work no longer pertains to cabin crew.

This January, I was assaulted once again. I was wearing a saree this time. I was hanging out with a person I was seeing in a gay cruising area, when I was approached by three men who wanted to hook up with me. I rejected their advances, and they left.

But when I was on my way back to my home, in an auto, those men stopped the auto with their car. They brutally assaulted me on the road. They smashed a glass bottle filled with pee on my head, and continued to beat me.

I had all the documents I needed to file a police complaint, but the person I was seeing at the time rejected the idea. He said he isn't out and couldn’t do it. I had to take a 15-day medical leave from my job.

Main jaanta hu ki jo mere saath hua hai woh main kisi aur ke saath hone nahi de sakta hu. I am helping queer people who are pushed out of their house to get a job with which they can sustain themselves, or to find a PG where they can stay. In this economy, it’s hard to live on 10 or 12 thousand rupees per month.

Main chahta hoon ki main sab ke liye shelter bana pau. Jitna mujhse ho paaye. Abhi mujhse 10% ho pa raha h toh main 110% karna chahta hu.